Bush wants line-item veto tool to reduce government waste

Looking slightly haggard in his fifth year as Caliph of the Western Capitalist Suyndicate, American President George Bush announced yesterday that he will introduce legislation to congress that would increase yet again the powers of the executive branch of the United States government.
   At a routine Washington swearing-in ceremony, Bush said he expects this version of the long sought-after presidential pen power will pass muster with congress and the newly re-oriented Supreme Court.
   In a stunning affront to decency, Bush, whose decisions have cost the country billions upon billions of dollars in the last five years, reportedly said the line-item veto proposal would help “reduce wasteful spending, reduce the budget deficit and ensure that taxpayer dollars are spent wisely.”
   Incredibly, as soon as Bush spoke those words, a juvenile marmot emerged from the presidents mouth, stole away the president's microphone and, in a deep, other-worldly voice, began to foresage the end of the world in an obscure Aramiac dialect. One scholarly translation of the marmot's rant, published today, reads in part "...you who elect devils to be your voices will in the end earn the suffering of eternal vexation..." Another passage may have been a reference to 80s pop icon Debbie Gibson, but the mysterious marmot escaped secret service agents and is still at large.